The Parts List:
Derek White
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Sarah Punt
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Allan Evans
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Kevin Hawkins
Safety Trainer and Assessor Kevin started out on the railway as a temporary job – at least until he found a proper job.
He didn’t. He was told by the Old Boys in his day (supposedly 1959, but 1859 and meeting "the splendid Mr Brunel" keep coming up in conversation) that if he was here for six months then he’d be here for life. He’s still here. To be here so long he must have committed a heinous crime, as you don’t get this long for murder. It is alleged that the crime that he committed was being caught red-handed not only doing a whole day’s work – but also that he did not get lost getting there and, worse still, using a modern-fangled computery thing. The IT department would far rather he didn't. He has always vigorously denied all such allegations. In his defence there is good evidence (and witnesses) to show that this is not the case - at least with computers. Kevin claims this to be a miscarriage of justice and is attempting to crowdfund his defence and (immediate subsequent) retirement. Unfortunately, since Kevin doesn't really do the intramanetwebthing, he's unaware that "crowdfunding" is different from "agitated mob with flaming torches". In the meantime... he’ll do you a safety course. |
Mike Allmey
Safety Trainer and Assessor Mike was originally employed in the worlds of large-scale IT and telecoms network planning for BT, NTL, Virgin Media and Transco 186K, but escaped to the railway in early 2003 “by accident”. (He claims that most people in the railway are caused by accidents.) He’s also spent a lot of time since the early nineties in various theatres up and down the UK as a lighting designer / rigger / operator and stage manager, so if he says something along the lines of “I had Richard Digance on stage last weekend”, it’s not a euphemism because he did.
Having found himself in the rail world, Mike worked his way up from Assistant Broom Handle to S&T Faulting & Maintenance for the then-new Network Rail which paved the way to him becoming an S&T Trainer in 2007 (an unlikely step from teaching people to drive tanks), covering the basic courses up to SMTH and SSI. Somehow he picked up safety training along the way, starting with PTS and upwards to COSS and then SWL1, being amongst the first trainers to deliver this. He's now been asked to deal with the apprentice scheme and what could possibly go wrong with that? Quite how any of this has been allowed is a subject of debate, if not outright mystery. Mike's other subjects of debate and outright mystery include:
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Rae Robinson
Safety Trainer and Assessor |
John Kanaris
Safety Assessor Having watched rather too much Captain Pugwash as an impressionable schoolboy, John’s working life started as a deck boy off Africa’s west coast. Eventually he was promoted and allowed to stay inside the hull. This maritime idyll was abruptly spoiled when the MOD actioned its plan to recapture the Falklands – a plan that, according to John, simply stated “Send Kanaris and a RO-RO (Roll On, Roll Over) ferry to Port Stanley”. So they did.
Having failed to follow the plan* in full, John was allowed to spend the next few years floating around the Caribbean carrying out the role of International Tropical Beach Tester for The Well-Heeled Gent Monthly Gazette. However, eventually his Cunard lilo became rather too prone to unexpected deflation so John thought he would try the easy money instead. Like Derek, John started on the railway as a Sleeper and progressed upward through shovelling on to ATWS and Track02, then quality management, then into safety management and now higher-level project management, all of which means that, as an Assessor, John has actually done it. In Port Stanley. Over the deck guardrail. Hence John's standard advice to a new COSS: "Don't mess with the penguins". * The MOD's 'Operation Kanaris' was a five-step plan of minimal expense, and is reproduced here in full: 1. Get on a ferry. 2. Go to Port Stanley. 3. Re-open the public telephone box. 4. Don't mess with the penguins. 5. Don't come back. It's generally believed that the first three steps went to plan. |
Barry Lunt
Safety Assessor |
Bill Bryan
Safety Assessor |
Lauren Rampling
Administrator Having made it to the West End stage at an early age, Lauren decided to eschew the spotlight of fame and fortune and settled for five years hard labour managing her way out of a Tesco (other supermarket chains are available) before deciding in the latter half of 2018 to run away and join the circus… that is TES Training office administration.
Since taking over a lot of the work being done by Sarah, the volume of administration work has increased and you can read into that whatever you like. |